Monday, November 10, 2008

Health Alert: Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome

By Bill Jerome

A previously unknown condition called "Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome" has just been diagnosed by a group of doctors at the Center For Negro Studies located in Coonville, MS. This condition, which was suspected but for years had gone undiagnosed recently became an issue during the 2008 election. 

Doctors were suspicious that something was amiss when around six-percent of African Americans voted for the Republican candidate for President, Senator John McCain over the African American candidate, Senator Barrack Obama. 

Dr. Eaten Noworlaters who lead this study and named the syndrome concluded that "any black man or women that choose McCain over Obama for President had to be straight out of their dayum mind." he also added that "there is just no other conclusion that one can come to in this situation. These mentally challenged Negroes need help."

When asked about the symptoms, Dr. Noworlaters gave Raisin in the Pun a published paper regarding this syndrome. In the cultural vernacular only an African American (and those with an African American cultural mindset) can appreciate the list is as follows:

If You're An African American, You May Be Suffering From Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome-

  • If you consume more than four pork products a week.
  • If those pork products include; souse meat, spam, chitlins' pig feet and/or sausage in a can.
  • If you believe a white man-god with holes in his hands will float out of the sky and save you.
  • If you watch and donate to pat Robertson's 700 Club.
  • If you believe that John McCain really likes black people.
  • If you have no problem with a picture of a white Jesus hanging in your church or home.
  • If you thought Jesse Helms was "a good white man."
  • If your idea of a vacation getaway for you is spending time at old southern plantations reminiscing about the good life your great-great-great grandmother had being Mr. Charlie's slave cook and love toy.
  • If you're a Republican.
  • If you think Trent Lott's speech commending Strom Thurmond segregationist stance when he ran for President was just a unintentional faux pas.
These are just a few of the symptoms. More research is being done and this list will be updated.

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