Friday, December 5, 2008

What Is Love: From a Male's Perspective

By Bill Jerome

In examining my own relationships what I have found is that true love is neither an emotion or a feeling; although it does lead to emotions, which is often expressed(initially) through and by sensuality, sexuality, and the presence of the one you love even when she's not there. IMHO love is a spiritual awakening to a connection with another being that is intimate, personal and familiar. There is a song entitled "Rest My Lips"  sung by twins Walter and Scotty of The Whispers and one of the verses goes "never has a human face cut so deep into my heart, baby this feeling running through my mind is what's keeping us apart" In other words true love knows its place and there is no doubt between the man and women that love exist between them. It is so deep that one or both parties may be frightened by it and the loss of control they experience when they are with one another.

It is my belief that relationships fail for three reasons; one or both of the parties never really loved the other, loved themselves, or they did not and/or lost respect for the other party or themselves. In the aforementioned cases, one may find themselves in a spiritual vice - because now it becomes a question of being true to your vows (if you're married), your stated commitment to your partner, or being true to your heart.

Intimacy is important to. But that does not and should not always be expressed in a sexual manner - although being truthful, a man hopes that is where his actions leads every time (but a wise man knows that it won't and doesn't press the issue). Intimacy is as simple as taking your women's shoes off when she gets home, washing her feet, and massaging them with oil as she tells you about her day. Love expressed as intimacy can also be as simple as a long walk on the beach while holding hands and just enjoying each other's company.

Love is doing the little things...Love is making sure that your women's car is working properly so that it won't break down on her. Love is hiding love notes and cards in your women's purse or coat with both of you smiling from ear to ear when she calls you to thank you. Love is having enough respect for your women not to engage in discharging bodily functions in her presence even though you've been together for a long time. Love is getting up without complaint at three in the morning to go to the store because your women needs you to get her a "special package" for her monthly visitor. And like my mom (pbuh) love is washing, cleaning, bathing and feeding my Dad (pbuh) after he had a stroke and couldn't do those things for himself.

And finally love is commitment. Because as humans we will eventually see someone else that will look, smell, talk, and walk better than who we're with and it is those times that love will be tested. For if you are truly in love, the above doesn't matter. It only matters when you are not really in love and your heart is not satisfied.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

African Americans Run Out Of Excuses For Failure

By Bill Jerome

When little Lakeesha goes to class today she'll be one of millions of African American school children for whom failure is no longer and option. Bobby "Booby" Washington; a file clerk at the law firm of Earth, Wind & Fire PA can no longer blame "the man" for his failure to finish law school. He is going to have to accept the fact that it was his daily morning ritual of firing up a pineapple blunt and "poofin" on it all day that stunted his career path. There are millions of Lakeeshas and Boobys all across America that woke up the morning after the election and realized that "the man" is no longer in charge. "The Brother" being in the person of President-Elect Barack Obama is now in charge.

Also because of this historic election poverty entrepreneurs (commonly called community activist or black leaders) have no excuses left to propagate as to why African Americans can't do what other Americans do; which is stay in school, go to college, and get a good job or start a business. The fact that an African American has been elected POTUS is conclusive and irrefutable evidence that African Americans can achieve anything they desire in America.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Breaking News: Black Church Building Fund Located

By Haroldamus

Today Archaeologist uncovered what appears to be the remnants of a building that housed the mythical black church building fund. For hundred of years African Americans donated money to this fund only to never see it used or any records kept as to how much was donated into it. The building fund was found in what appears to be an abandoned graveyard for fried chicken and ham hocks bones near the abandoned home of the late black minister, The Right Reverend Bishop T.A. "Cash" Moneyclipp

Because of his close relationship with God, Bishop Money was able to annoint all donations to any black church building fund and have all of them flown directly to him by angels each and every Sunday. Bishop Money was not a selfish man. For he was known to donate religiously to the recently uncovered secret slush fund called the American Black Pastor's Cadillac (and Mercedes) Funding Association. Until he died, Bishop Money would donate in the nine figure range every year to this fund; which was used to buy new Cadillacs and Mercedes Benz automobiles for the millions of black pastors that lead churches that had less than twenty members.

Health Alert: Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome

By Bill Jerome

A previously unknown condition called "Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome" has just been diagnosed by a group of doctors at the Center For Negro Studies located in Coonville, MS. This condition, which was suspected but for years had gone undiagnosed recently became an issue during the 2008 election. 

Doctors were suspicious that something was amiss when around six-percent of African Americans voted for the Republican candidate for President, Senator John McCain over the African American candidate, Senator Barrack Obama. 

Dr. Eaten Noworlaters who lead this study and named the syndrome concluded that "any black man or women that choose McCain over Obama for President had to be straight out of their dayum mind." he also added that "there is just no other conclusion that one can come to in this situation. These mentally challenged Negroes need help."

When asked about the symptoms, Dr. Noworlaters gave Raisin in the Pun a published paper regarding this syndrome. In the cultural vernacular only an African American (and those with an African American cultural mindset) can appreciate the list is as follows:

If You're An African American, You May Be Suffering From Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome-

  • If you consume more than four pork products a week.
  • If those pork products include; souse meat, spam, chitlins' pig feet and/or sausage in a can.
  • If you believe a white man-god with holes in his hands will float out of the sky and save you.
  • If you watch and donate to pat Robertson's 700 Club.
  • If you believe that John McCain really likes black people.
  • If you have no problem with a picture of a white Jesus hanging in your church or home.
  • If you thought Jesse Helms was "a good white man."
  • If your idea of a vacation getaway for you is spending time at old southern plantations reminiscing about the good life your great-great-great grandmother had being Mr. Charlie's slave cook and love toy.
  • If you're a Republican.
  • If you think Trent Lott's speech commending Strom Thurmond segregationist stance when he ran for President was just a unintentional faux pas.
These are just a few of the symptoms. More research is being done and this list will be updated.

Mentally Challenged Negroes Vote Overwhelmingly For McCain

By Bill Jerome

In a new Peeonu research poll, 99% of African Americans voted for Senator Obama for President. The poll also shows that mentally challenged Negroes voted overwhelmingly for McCain. This is the only poll that broke down the "black vote" in sub-categories such as African American and Negro to come up with this statistic. 

Peeonu researcher Professor Blaque Mealee-Tant said it was "necessary to separate the black vote in this manner" because "it was obvious to her that any black man or women that voted for Republican John McCain after 400 years of slavery, rape, being forced to eat chitlins' genocide, Jim Crow, Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond had to be suffering from the condition known as Mentally Challenged Negro Syndrome."

Other subcategories for the black vote that were polled included blunt smokers, overweight Black men with small penises, infeminate male choir directors, big black women with ashy feet, private pharmaceutical marketers, and black women with facial and chest hair. All of these group voted overwhelmingly for Senator Obama. Professor Mealee-Tant said that she wanted to have more subcategories. Unfortunately she was stymied in this pursuit because crackheads and black Jehovah Witnesses did not vote in significant numbers  to be counted this time around.